So it's midterms at school (hence why my activity has trickled to a minimum oops-) and it's really been taking a toll on me

I think tonight I might be staying up to lord knows when to finish work. Some of it's been pure procrastination and old habits I never broke but just as much is the amount of work I've had to do for each class. For perspective, I'm a full time student and I take a couple 400 level classes. I often have ended up only being able to work on assignments the night before or the day it's due, and I've also turned in work that I know will get ripped to shreds because I simply had to show something in an unreasonable amount of time. Just today, I got back the book project from my Typography teacher that I and all the other students have been working on since the first week of class. I knew it wasn't perfect, but I know I had some leeway because this is Type 2 and I'd really not had any formal typography class, printed a whole book, etc. I turned it in and I was kind of proud I saw it through. I would have been fine with a low B, but when I got it back today, it was a C+. And now that grade is in my midterm grade, and I really don't have much wiggle room as far as grading goes. I hope to god the next project bumps me up, but that's really just bringing the book to a digital format (web and mobile). I've been told that this won't really matter in the long run, but my confidence about this class was really shattered today. Not helping is that I caught a glimpse of one of the other girls' books and hers was a 90...and our professor said that the class had really strong books to put in our portfolios.

What blows me out of my asshole is that my advisor thought that I would be fine in a second-level class without having the first level. I'm clearly not fine here but I really can't get out of this class this far in. I feel like I'd be disappointing my parents and the professor, and I'd also just feel like I'm really stupid for thinking I could live up to a standard that I'll never be able to.

Also, this weekend, I quite literally busted my ass by falling right on it when I fell down the stairs at my grandparents. I felt like I bruised my tailbone from it and it genuinely hurt to sit for a few days. I couldn't sit for long periods of time to work on anything until today, really. I still feel slightly uh...butthurt, in a literal way, but I just hope the bruise on the peach is healing normally.

I am so sick of feeling like everything is just going to come unfurled. The thing I fear the most is breaking down in front of a professor, and I feel like it might happen if they raise their voice at me or talk condescendingly when I'm at my wits end. I want just one day where I can truly fuck off and not do shit all day, but I don't think I've had more than a couple hours to take breaks to rest, shower, or eat.

Anyway fuck a design major, fuck how everyone requires a bachelors degree over actual experience in the field, fuck how much work professors are deluded into thinking us students can do, and fuck getting my asshole reamed by my grandparents' stairs